This is the video that I created for the Christian Rural Aid Network (CRAN) while interning in Ghana! We had some technical difficulties, but we finally got it uploaded last week.
Enjoy!
Two weeks. Just two weeks away. In two weeks, I will be on a plane to take the journey of a lifetime.
I feel like with finals week approaching, one more visit home this weekend and my work schedule, the trip is going to sneak up on me sooner than I think.
I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on the past year and everything that’s changed. Looking back caused me to dig through old documents and stories, and in the process I found the personal statement that I wrote for the School of Mass Comm’s scholarship application last February.
At the beginning of the year, I had a very specific plan in mind for how things were going to go.
I thought that I would be spending my days working as News Editor at The Oracle. I would be living on campus, and I would keep my car so I could try to snag an off-campus internship at the Tampa Bay Times. I wouldn’t need any financial support from my parents, because I had a job and enough financial aid to survive. I would get A’s in all of my classes, which were finally starting to become more interesting and focused on the career I was looking for. I would finally get everything I was looking for.
Things didn’t go according to plan, however.
For financial reasons, the car stayed at home for another semester, and I ended up moving to and off-campus apartment that provided rent at a cheaper rate. I was working endless days and nights at the paper, and ended up resigning from the position after the first month of the semester. My grades were slipping, and Tampa Bay Times said they were looking for someone who had more internship experience. I spent the rest of fall playing catch-up, trying to figure out what it was I truly wanted out of my time at USF.
The answer had seemed so easy the previous year. I walked onto campus, and in a matter of months I was getting bylines at the paper, an internship on campus and even a Hearst Award nomination. I couldn’t believe all that I accomplished in the first year, and at the same time I couldn’t understand why I seemed so lost in my second. I guess you could call it a “sophomore slump” of sorts, but I knew I needed to decide what it was I wanted to walk out of the university knowing and being ready to take-on as a career, because the perfect plan I had for myself didn’t seem to fit anymore.
About mid-way through the semester, I had been invited to an interview with the internship coordinator for The Dallas Morning News, one of the largest newspapers in the state of Texas. I walked in with my resume, clips and a nervous smile. We spoke about the past year and everything that had happened, and what it was I wanted out of the next opportunity that I pursued. The internship coordinator said he liked me and thought I was talented, but that it didn’t seem like I have very much confidence in myself.
In the moment, I was stunned to hear such a bold statement made by someone I had just met 20 minutes prior, but I thought about it, and I realized that he was right.
I wasn’t very confident in myself back then. I had heard all of these things about how I was a talented writer and a good student, but I never really believed and of it. I had stayed at The Oracle as long as I had for the learning opportunity, but then it got to the point where I wasn’t learning very much anymore. My classes were challenging me, finally, but I couldn’t give the time to them that I truly needed to because of other activities. I realized that I wasn’t doing things for myself anymore, but that I was doing them because they became routine. I needed to find something that challenged me, but at the same time helped me grow and made me feel prepared to go out into the job market — a fate that was coming much sooner than I had realized.
So I took some time. I did a lot more personal writing. I talked with friends, family and professors about new opportunities to pursue. As time went on, my grades were back up to where they should be. Applications for jobs and internships were being sent out. My finances were starting to improve. I was starting to get everything back together.
Things have changed quite a bit for me since last fall. I landed a new position at the USF Alumni Association, working in the communications department. While here, I get writing experience for the magazine the Association puts out, and I also get to work on the website and even some graphic design. I got my car back, and my grades have stayed at A’s as we approach midterms season. I’m also a contributing writing for USA Today College, so in my spare time, I’m able to get national bylines that I can later put into my portfolio.
This summer, I’m planning a volunteer abroad trip to Ghana to work in community development, and I’ll also be a Peer Mentor in the Honors College to help out incoming freshman, and also make financial ends meet. As the next school year progresses, I’ll be able to take classes that not only interest me, but that provide me with skills I’ve come to realize I’ll need once I graduate, such as marketing, business and graphic design.
I don’t have everything figured out, I’ll make that clear right away. What I am finding myself doing more this semester though is exploring the possibilities that I have. I’m not confining myself to The Oracle, or to that one internship, or to that one place for a career. I’m realizing that I can go and do just about anything that I set my mind to. I’ve considered becoming a higher education reporter, or working in a communications department for a non-profit organization. I’ve also considered the idea of joining the Peace Corps one day, or pursuing more than one degree while in graduate school. I know whatever work I pursue, I want to continue telling good stories, and to be doing working that makes a difference in the world.
I’ve learned this year that I don’t have to limit myself to one specific plan to accomplish that, and that anything can happen. While print journalism is my true passion, I’ve realized that in the digital age, there’s hundreds upon thousands of ways to continue this career path and still remain relevant to my audience. Receiving a scholarship from the School of Mass Communications would provide me the flexibility to continue my education and see what it is I’m going to go after when I graduate, and give me the freedom to continue exploring my possibilities.
This past Thursday, I was awarded the John and Jerry Wing Alexander Endowed Scholarship for this personal statement, and I was shocked that I received such an honor. I will definitely help with next year, as my student loan debt is almost at the level of a really nice car. It also makes me less reliant on heavy work hours, so I will be able to keep a balanced schedule next year.
This summer after I get back from Ghana, I’ll still be writing for USA Today College and working at the Alumni Association. I’ll have two summer classes on top of two jobs and the writing gig, and I’m going to be busier than ever. I’m super excited for all of it though, because I’m pursuing a variety of different opportunities, and that means a variety of good stories to tell.
At the Fred B. Karl County Center in downtown Tampa, there are millions of records on file within the confines of the building, the place that collects, records, indexes and archives public records in Hillsborough County.
“There are so many things that are accomplished by this office on a daily basis,” JoAnn Constantini, director of the official records department said.
It was interesting to me just how many files are housed in the county center. In 2008, there were more than 90 million records on file, the clerk of court processed 1.3 million document pages. There are also 42 different types of documents that the county center is responsible for.
I hadn’t realized before hearing from the clerk of court that there were so many documents just in Hillsborough County alone. It makes me wonder how many there are in the state, or the nation. It showed me just how much the clerk of court is responsible for and the huge amount of documents that they deal with on a regular basis.
Another thing that was interesting to me was how many of the documents they deal with are still in paper form rather than electronically transmitted. With the vast majority of other government bodies that are relying so heavily on the digital age, and how easy it is to archive and locate documents when they’re stored in an online database rather than filing cabinets in a building, it makes me wonder why there hasn’t been a faster transition toward the computers. With the amount of documents the county center sees though, I could understand why the process would take so long.
The biggest takeaway that I gained from hearing from officials at the county center was that they said a great deal of public records come to the county center, and that basically everything goes through them in order to become “public.” This stood out to me because as a journalist, I’m going to need to know where to go to obtain my information, and the county center may not be a bad place to start.
“When two people meet, each one is changed by the other so you got two new people. Maybe that means — hell, it’s complicated.”
— John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent
Everyone who I’ve known before this semester, met this semester, or reconnected with this semester has probably had a bigger impact on me than they realize. It’s been a crazy semester, and I’ve learned a lot of lessons about myself, and how to keep my head up and keep going.
I keep a journal that I started writing in at the beginning of the semester, and have been barely able to put down since. I started writing in it on a very exhausting night after spending three hours in the emergency room due to a long boarding accident. The journal had 150 pages inside just waiting to be filled with whatever thoughts were floating in my head.
As of last night, I have 45 pages to go until the book is finished, and my goal is to have it complete by New Year’s Eve. It seems like a lot of writing that needs to be done, but on nights where I do feel inspired to just pick up the pen and go, I’ve written upwards of five pages in one sitting.
I love free writing, because it helps me figure out my own thoughts. Because I’m a journalist, any time I’m writing on the computer or anything else digital for that matter (even text messages and emails), I get the inclination to copy edit, restructure, and generally overthink everything that I’ve said. Sometimes it’s almost like I’m censoring myself, and so when I’m hand writing in my journal, everything I’ve said is the honest to God truth, and I can’t get that anywhere else.
When I’m writing in my journal, I let myself say whatever it is that’s on my mind, and I don’t apologize for any of it. I’ll look back on the pages and reread them to familiarize myself with how I feel about things. Sometimes I’ll laugh at myself for how dumb I was just a matter or weeks ago, other times I’ll be proud of myself for the choices I made. Sometimes I’ll surprise myself with how I’ve handled a situation, and other times I’ll scare myself because of how close to the edge I once was.
I’m a pretty open person most of the time, but there are times when there are things that I can’t even tell my friends. Like that sometimes, I’m more sorry for my screw-ups than I’ll let on. Like sometimes, I wish we could just call each other up every day to keep touch, even with our conflicting schedules and busy lives. Like sometimes, how I wish I could go back in time to freshman year, where even as crazy as things were, they were also much simpler, because we had one common goal in mind: stay alive. Survive freshman year, and be able to prove to ourselves that we can make it in college.
Sometimes it’s forgotten, at least to me, that I still have that commonality with everyone still, even when we can’t find common ground anywhere else.
This semester’s been long and grueling, and as finals week approaches, I keep reminding myself more and more of that. I think back to last August about how different things were: I came back to Tampa thinking I was going to be working a completely different job, doing completely differently in my classes, and hanging out with totally different people. It’s funny how much things can change in a matter of months, and the kind of hell that I’ve had to go through to see those changes.
As things change, I realize that there’s people who were once a big part of my life who just aren’t there these days. And it’s not because I don’t want them there, it’s just about finding time, sharing interests and relatability and still reminding each other that we want to live and survive, together. There’s certain people out there who I just want to help them be the best version of themselves, and that’s how I know I truly care about them, even if it’s not completely apparent.
It’s traditional to have a New Year’s Resolution, but I think I have more goals for wrapping up this year on a good note than I will for the New Year:
- Try to reconnect with people who I’ve distanced myself from this semester. We don’t have to hang out all of the time or be conjoint at the hip as we maybe once were, but I want them to know that even though we never see each other anymore, I still care. I’ll always still care, even if I do a crappy job at showing it.
- Finishing that journal of mine, and reminding myself that I’m am entitled to my feelings and not having to surpress them. You can’t help how you feel, and neither can I. I’m not going to let people try and make me feel like my feelings are irrelevant, because they’re mine and I have control over them. My journal helps me accept, recognize and be confident in my feelings. It helps me figure myself out, and that’s why I have to keep writing.
- Accept the fact that I deserve better than I’ve allowed myself to accept this year. The year started off with me just getting out of a three and a half year long relationship, having to nurse my dog back to health, and freaking out about how I was going to make a new job, internship and 16 credit hours work all at once. Spring was stressful, summer was a piece of work and a long road of finding myself, and fall became chaotic, daunting and required even more soul searching. I got it in my head that because I was such a mess, I deserved a mess, and I’m starting to realize that I deserve better than that. Everyone does.
From all that’s happened this year, I know I can survive it, and whatever is still going to be thrown my way. So my goal is to realize that I deserve better, and go for it, no matter what.
Driven By Daydreams 